A Quick Guide on Becoming a Leader in Cuba: Satire in Two Minutes

Cuban comedian and lawyer Alian Aramis, now living in exile, has released a satirical video on Facebook. In just over two minutes, it humorously promises to teach everything an aspiring leader in Cuba needs to know. The result is an unwritten yet easily recognizable manual on climbing the political ladder on the island.

"Hold on, don't skip this video. If you're in Cuba and you plan to become a leader, stay tuned; I'll show you how," Aramis starts, delivering his lines with the ease of someone familiar with the inner workings of the system.

Early Lessons in Ambition

The first piece of advice dates back to elementary school: snitch on anyone who stands up when the teacher leaves the classroom. As the aspiring leader moves up to the High School Students' Federation or the University Student Federation, mastering the term "pitiyanki" and using it frequently is essential.

The Virtue of Mediocrity

When it comes to academic performance, Aramis is blunt: "Stay away from the top ranks. You don't have time for that, nor the brains. If intelligence chases you, slow down and let it win." Properly managed mediocrity, he implies, is a virtue.

The next step involves mastering the art of applause and always speaking in slogans: "You don't have time for well-reasoned responses. Or intellect. Answer everything with slogans, even when unnecessary. For example, if you're in bed with your wife and she says... 'the second,' you respond with, 'Let's go for more!'"

Setting the Scene

Once in the office, strategic decoration is key. "Hang a portrait of Fidel and another of Raúl behind you. Adopt a stern look of revolutionary intransigence. Don't let it seem like you're trading influence," Aramis advises. He adds a crucial protocol detail: "If you hang only a portrait of Che on an empty wall, you'll look like a shopkeeper."

Punctuality, too, has its nuances. "Invite people for eight o'clock. Arrive around nine-ish. When you show up, make a joke with someone, saying: 'Bosses don't arrive late; they join in.'

Advanced Leadership Strategies

At the intermediate level, a leader must master indefinite futures: "It will be achieved, progress will be made, the goal will be reached, we will overcome." No dates, numbers, or verifiable commitments. At the "pro leader" level, the strategy involves conducting audits, inspections, and surprise visits to municipal offices: "You mess with them to show you're fighting corruption."

The ultimate advice, reserved for the "pro max leader," is the most applauded, and the most painful: "Send your children abroad." In a country where mass emigration is relentless, the privilege of sending one's own children away while administering the country from within succinctly captures the double standards of the nomenclature.

The video resonates with an ongoing debate. Fellow comedian Ulises Toirac recently criticized Cuban leaders for clinging to their privileges, writing that "sixty-something years of secrets, decisions without consultation, unauditable budgets, and the privileges that come with all that" are not easily relinquished. In 2024, the regime approved a Code of Ethics for Revolutionary Cadres demanding austerity and rejection of privileges, but public perception—crystallized in Aramis's humor—suggests that document isn't worth the paper it's printed on.

Aramis is no newcomer to this arena. His song "Let Sandro Go," a parody of the official call for a march on December 20, 2024, went viral across the island and directly targeted the privileges of Sandro Castro, Fidel's grandson, amid the people's misery. In response, authorities canceled his theater performances and cultural events, and in February 2025, the comedian left Cuba with his family, heading to Guyana.

From exile, Aramis continues to sharpen his wit. His quick guide reveals more about the real workings of power in Cuba than any official speech.